Limerick: I think they met on the Internet

The following was inspired by an advertising slogan I saw as I walked out of the Cool Springs Galleria Mall today:

He thought she was utterly fantastic
A woman so incredibly elastic
But the preacher did scoff
And the wedding was off
For she was made head to toe out of plastic

Revolution was such a good name

I was just having a conversation with A Vicarious Nin over the Xbox Live Messenger service about the Nintendo Wii, (which we are both excited about), and the changes it will bring to the American Lexicon.

AS A VERB

First off, I see the word immediately taking on a verb tense:

"Yeah, I'm going to Wii as soon as I get home."

"Mommy, I gotta go Wii. I gotta Wii! Please let me Wii!"

"The best place to Wii is in your home theater."

"'To Wii or not to Wii', that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the financial assaults of Sony or submit to the will of a stereotyped Italian plumber..."

And you know it will someday come to:
"Like Microsoft says, it's good to Wii together."


AS A NOUN

Of course it is as a noun that wii, er, we, will see the most dramatic changes to everyday speech.

Nin suggested that Nintendo's advertising campaign should feature the music of Queen, with the rock anthems "Wii will, Wii will rock you!" and the suitable, but grammatically incorrect "Wii are the Champions". Hey, that's a better approach, in my opinion, than those wacky E3 promos.

In Great Britain, where the infantile word "wee" is considered the polite way of expressing urine -- I mean, of saying urine -- confusion and smiles are sure to abound. For example, consider this discussion, soon to be overheard in a posh London Cafe:

Gamer 1: "I've put my Wii inside my entertainment center."
Gamer 2: "Aren't you worried about heat? I leave my Wii on top of the telly."
Gamer 1: "Hmm... now that you mention it, my Wii does get rather warm -- and it's starting to smell funny."


But the greatest concerns of the noun tense are those that have a less savory nature.

The very first RSI injury that happens as a result of "playing with your Wii" is sure to raise a few eyebrows. And just how will it be possible to make the invitation "hey, come over to my place and we'll play with my Wii" without cracking a lecherous smile?

I believe that Nintendo USA has already rejected the following slogans:

• "My Wii is my Playground"
• "Nintendo: Because you have to Wii every day"
• "Everyone wants to play with your Wii"
• "Because every woman wants a man who knows how to handle his Wii"
• "Wii: a hands-on experience"
• "Wii: because size really doesn't matter"

Nintendo, are you sure this is the name you want to go with?

Dead Rising -- Wow!

I spent a few hours with Dead Rising last night.

Wow.

No, seriously: "Wow."

This game has a strong story, hard emotional triggers and excellent gameplay -- once you've figured out how to play it.

Before that, it's an exercise in frustration.

As a public service, here are my quick tips for getting started with Dead Rising:

1. Plan your game around the save points. This is the most important tip. The game rarely auto-saves, so it's up to you. Here's what I do: When heading to an objective point, first look at your map and find the save point that is nearest your objective. (Most of the game's save points are in public restrooms, which can be found in the mall and in some shops, like the fitness center.) GO TO THE NEARBY SAVE POINT FIRST AND SAVE YOUR GAME! Then go find your objective. Now if something disastrous happens, you can restart the game without having to retrace your steps too much.
   
   If your objective is a save mission, be sure to save your game in the security area as well.
   
   If you've finished a boss battle, find the closest save point before going anywhere else.
   
   If there is a save point along the path you are taking, use it. Having convenient saves to back to will dramatically improve your experience with this game.
   
   
   
2. Arm your survivors. Just before going in to make a rescue, stock up on weapons -- especially guns. Once your survivors have agreed to follow you, equip a weapon, face each survivor and press the [B] button to give them the weapon. Not all survivors will take weapons -- many women will opt to hold your hand instead. But for those that will accept the weapon, they are generally pretty good shots. I tend to give my survivors handguns and equip a good melee weapon for myself. This tip will drastically improve your success in securing survivors.
   
   
   
3. When a survivor dies, or a scoop expires, forget it and move on. Don't dwell on it -- this game intentionally gives you more goals than you can possibly accomplish -- at least, without the maintenance key.
   
   This game is designed to be replayed. You can get the scoop on your next time through.
   
   
   
4. Always face Frank to the action. This is the key to getting good photos and for making the best of projectile weapons (like golf clubs and handguns.) For photos, Frank's lens is always facing in the direction his body faces, so to spend less time trying to get things in frame, face Frank toward the action before pulling the left trigger. For projectile weapons, facing your target is the easiest way to take them down without going into aim mode with the right trigger.
   
   
   
5. Prioritize your time in favor of the main story. If a rescue mission is going too long, abandon it and get to the objective point for the main scenes. If you don't, it will quickly be "Game Over" and there's nothing you can do about it.
   
   
   
6. Take lots of photos. Prestige Points (PP) are the key to leveling up in Dead Rising. Good photos can secure you plenty of points. I've gotten as much as 10,000 PP from a single photo.
   
   As a side note, if you miss a good, triggerable photo opportunity where the "PP" icon appears above the heads of your survivors, it's often worth restarting from your last save to set up and get the shot. (Another reason to follow tip #1!)
   
   
   
7. Keep your camera batteries fresh. There are a few camera shops in the mall where you can reload your batteries. Get to know where all of them are and be sure to use them whenever you are nearby. (On your map, look for a rectangular battery icon with + and - terminals marked on it.) A dead camera battery can lose you a shot worth thousands of PP.
   
   
   
8. Review your special abilities often -- and USE them! As you progress through the game, you will learn new abilities. You can see your new moves and how to actuate them on the Skills screen in the Pause menu. (Press the [Start] button.) One of your earliest abilities, the Zombie Walk, can get you out of tough scrapes and is simple to learn. Later skills, like the Eviscerator, are just plain awesome to do. Don't get so caught up in the weapon gathering side of the game that you forget about your innate talents.
   
   
   
9. Use the Guide button and press "[Y] Go to Dashboard" to reload a saved game. Like so many Japanese PS2 games, there is no in-game option in Dead Rising for restarting from a save point -- without dying first, that is. "Go to Dashboard" is the more sophisticated Xbox 360 equivalent of the PS2's soft reset. Just hit "Play Game" once you're in the Dashboard to restart the game without ever getting up from your recliner.

I hope this helps. Following these tips can be the difference in your perceiving Dead Rising as an awesome game instead of a frustration fest.