Revolution was such a good name

I was just having a conversation with A Vicarious Nin over the Xbox Live Messenger service about the Nintendo Wii, (which we are both excited about), and the changes it will bring to the American Lexicon.

AS A VERB

First off, I see the word immediately taking on a verb tense:

"Yeah, I'm going to Wii as soon as I get home."

"Mommy, I gotta go Wii. I gotta Wii! Please let me Wii!"

"The best place to Wii is in your home theater."

"'To Wii or not to Wii', that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the financial assaults of Sony or submit to the will of a stereotyped Italian plumber..."

And you know it will someday come to:
"Like Microsoft says, it's good to Wii together."


AS A NOUN

Of course it is as a noun that wii, er, we, will see the most dramatic changes to everyday speech.

Nin suggested that Nintendo's advertising campaign should feature the music of Queen, with the rock anthems "Wii will, Wii will rock you!" and the suitable, but grammatically incorrect "Wii are the Champions". Hey, that's a better approach, in my opinion, than those wacky E3 promos.

In Great Britain, where the infantile word "wee" is considered the polite way of expressing urine -- I mean, of saying urine -- confusion and smiles are sure to abound. For example, consider this discussion, soon to be overheard in a posh London Cafe:

Gamer 1: "I've put my Wii inside my entertainment center."
Gamer 2: "Aren't you worried about heat? I leave my Wii on top of the telly."
Gamer 1: "Hmm... now that you mention it, my Wii does get rather warm -- and it's starting to smell funny."


But the greatest concerns of the noun tense are those that have a less savory nature.

The very first RSI injury that happens as a result of "playing with your Wii" is sure to raise a few eyebrows. And just how will it be possible to make the invitation "hey, come over to my place and we'll play with my Wii" without cracking a lecherous smile?

I believe that Nintendo USA has already rejected the following slogans:

• "My Wii is my Playground"
• "Nintendo: Because you have to Wii every day"
• "Everyone wants to play with your Wii"
• "Because every woman wants a man who knows how to handle his Wii"
• "Wii: a hands-on experience"
• "Wii: because size really doesn't matter"

Nintendo, are you sure this is the name you want to go with?