Really, Mom, I'm Okay

Am I the only one?

I mean, seriously. I know some of you are just as guilty as I am.

When given a choice between playing a male or female character in a video game, I will always pick the hot chick over the dude.

And the reason is simple: If I'm going to spend 40+ hours watching someone's butt as I manipulate them through a game, I'd prefer it to be a female butt -- and female legs -- and female... well, you get the idea.

This leads to two problems:

1. In this psycho-analytical society of ours, an observer might jump to the conclusion that I choose female characters because I identify with the female mind better than the male. They will assume that I'm choosing an avatar more in line with my innermost self-image -- a digital doll that I can festoon in frocks, frills and braids.
   
   Try again, Sherlock. She's a buxom babe and I'd rather watch her jiggle her stuff than some hunk of man-meat. My "problem", if you want to classify it as that, is one of mild prurience, not sexual identity.
   
   
2. On-line play. In games like Microsoft Links 2004 or Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2005, the sex of the character you choose is permanent. In both games, there is an RPG aspect where it takes many hours of off-line play to develop your character's skills -- hours totaling often into the triple digits. So, naturally, I choose to create a female character since I plan on spending a number of weeks playing the game.
   
   Now picture this: I go on-line with this character that I've carefully trained and crafted. But I'm a guy... with a svelte babe as an avatar. I can't see my opponents' faces, but I can hear the look that's coming over my headset. The look that says "you're a little off your nut, now, aren't you?"

Somehow, I get equated with those weirdos who prey on children by going into chat rooms and pretending to be a 13 year old girl. (Little do they know that the "14 year old girl" they are chatting with is also a 53 year old, 350 pound man wearing a teddy.)

Unlike those perverts, I'm not masquerading. I'll tell you up front "I'm a guy who prefers to stare at women instead of men, okay? Deal with it."

And yeah, I'm wearing pants.

So be forewarned, if you want to play online with me on a game that has a developable character, she will be the busty, red-headed Valkyrie in a leather corset and go-go boots with legs that go all the way up.

And if you are a guy, I dare you not to stare at her during the match.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go play a Real Time Event in Tiger Woods... I'm pretty sure this one unlocks those green capri pants my character has had her eye on...